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LenaAstra

LenaAstra - photo 1
LenaAstra - photo 2
LenaAstra - photo 4
LenaAstra - photo 5

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Looking for a Master. I am interested in a high protocol M/s life. If I am to serve, I also would want to be attracted to the one that owns me. Otherwise it would not be complete for me. It isn't about just serving, it is about respect and loving the Master I serve.

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4/15/2017 12:30:31 AM

Desire, a burning need!

 

I know you have a desire, a burning need!  Fuck fantasy!  Our need is beyond a fantasy!  It is what drives you, what fulfills your very being!  I know this because I have the same burning need, even more a need than a desire.  This burning need runs my life, it is what I think about day and night.  I wake up thinking that the dream should be real.  

 Let me fulfill your burning need, we both are driven to it.  You know it is true, that we are not complete without each other and what we can do for each other.  You my Master and me as your slave.  I would be so good for you, your happiness, your completeness.  To own is what makes you, and to be owned is what is her right.  You my Master could have a slave that would rejoice if he would but let her worship him, worship his control over her, hum and dance while she pleasures him, cooks for him, and cleans for him.  His desire and happiness is what she desires for her happiness.  

 What is holding you back?  Obligations?  These obligations might be the death of you, and in turn, the slave that could have been.  She begs for Master to let those restraints be taken off you and put them where they belong.  Too many regret they didn't follow their need, their destiny.  Don't be amount those that didn't take the risk.  

 This slave is reaching out, begging, needy, clawing at the walls that keep her Master at bay.  Begging to dance for Him, kneel at his feet, serve him with her body, heart and mind.  She knows where the key is, just follow the love in her eyes. 


3/18/2017 10:57:55 PM

I often wonder what is wrong with me. I don't understand why I can't find someone that would love me, care for me, protect me. Is it too late for me? Is there no one that isn't honest, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, strong, experienced, and cares about their appearance and health?
Am I to live alone, be alone, die with nothing to show for all of my yrs? Is my fate to always care for others yet crave to be cared for?
Fine, I will, I am a survivor! I do not have to depend on anyone but myself. I won't betray myself, abandon myself, hurt my own feelings. I will be strong for myself.
The slave is dying, kajira is dying. This girl's aslave soul is tired of trying.

For those rude ass holes that think they need to give me their own shity opinion of my journals, fuck off You rude fuck wads!  I didn't ask for your opinion nor do I give a shit about what you think.  My journals are to help me, and help me get through this past pain.  For those trying to give advice, are true Masters, they understand that a slave that isn't owned, goes through a depression, this girl thanks you for your advice and help.  


1/16/2017 4:44:28 PM

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epiphany In the Bath! (# 2 of her Fet life journal)

Once again I am taking a bath and thinking, how disappointed that I am with no one that loves me during the holidays. What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to make time to be with me?
I was always told to be a good girl and wait here, or be a good girl and sit here, be a good girl and go to your room, or be a good girl and play in the street.
I have been waiting on one person or another my whole life. My Dad to come home and then at age 7 he died. Waited on Mom to come home only for her to push me away so she could tend to her addiction. My brother to want to be with his sister, but him being 5 yrs older, and having to babysit me during his teen yrs made him dislike me. It did not get any better cuz we were so different in mind and generation. I have been married three times, all wanted me, but once they married me, it was like they did not need to put an effort into giving me attention anymore. I was there like a good girl waiting. Waiting for someone to think I mattered.
Now, still waiting, but I get it, who would want to be around me, someone that is sad with no trust in people anymore? Who would want to spend time with a history of abuse and neglect that haunts them daily? Someone that has nothing to offer but a big heart that wants to love and be loved? Someone that has issues of abandonment and gets clingy at times, selfish at times, self-centered at times, depressed more often that she would like to admit. I would not want to be with that person either.
I did not want to be like my Mom, doing drugs, and alone. But here I am just like her, not the drugs, but alone. Waiting.
Well, I found I keep hunting for anyone to be with me, waiting, same thing, getting the same results. I want to say fuck it, I will just go out on my own, but I lack courage. I have been working on that too. My mind is telling me they feel sorry for you, they do not really want you.
Sometimes I even think I will not be missed if I just die. That would put me out of my pain and loneliness, but I believe that is a weakness and I am not weak.
I am done with waiting, I am going to fight my lack of courage and go out into the world and if alone, enjoy it, cuz I have no one to tell me to be a good girl, wait.

I hope with all my heart that each of you has the most wonderful of Christmas holidays. Be well!

 
 

1/16/2017 4:41:38 PM

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Bathing thoughts

Sitting in the bath, thinking of my life. It was a long bath listening to Windham Hill, I thought how wrong I was with slavery. I had such hopes all my life and when I had found slavery, I had known that was what I had been searching for my whole life.
When I was young, I wanted a family and children, love and romance. But my life had changed the day my father died. I was 7, my brother 12. Dad was 35 when he died before my eyes. My mom became bitter and hate was her life.
I ended up first trying to get her attention any way I could, then when I realized I would never get her's I searched hard and fast for anyone that would give me my dream of happiness. Three husbands, zero romance, no children, abuse, neglect, and a husband that love me but not enough to love himself, I found slavery.
Oh how I had thought this was going to be just what I had been looking for.
I dreamt of a handsome, demanding obedience, romantic Master/warrior/protector.
What I found was a quiet, evil smile, hard working, strict, no romance, no love, warrior Master. He made my knees weak, heart beat fast, and submissive in me fell head over hills for him.
Yet where was that Warrior/romantic Master that I dreamt? I would leave my Master in search for the Master God but no matter where I went, who I tried, none could do what My Master does for me. None made me feel like the slave I was, I craved, I desired to be. I loved him, knew he would never love me, but he looks at me and I just kneel.
I hate him, get so pissed at him, want nothing to do with him, but the moment I see him looking at me, I kneel. He is my God, my Master, my slavery is his and his alone.
Maybe my next life I will find that so called romance, but for now, I will work on my understanding that if I want this life, the life of a slave, and the only Master that makes me feel like the slave I desire, I had best learn to be the best slave for him. I need to work on my ghosts of the past, quit comparing, and quit trying to find the dream that is unreal and live the dream that is right before my eyes. That face of quiet evil that cares for his slave, protects her from herself, and still wants her as his slave even with all the mistakes she had made.
This girl, this slave, is kneeling for one, Her Master, her life is his.

 

1/15/2017 7:51:44 PM
I am unowned and about to give up on being owned.  I cannot serve someone I am not attracted to.  I have been called a rare slave by several, and I am a hot slave that craves to serve.  You must earn your right to own me, do not think you can on the first chat.  I crave to serve, but that doesn't mean I don't also crave to be loved also Becuz I do Crave to be needed and loved.  I picture myself being a slave to a Master in a suit, experienced, strong, a warrior, but who will also be trustworthy and consistent.  The suit to me means class, not money, so do not thing this girl is materialistic, she has survived all her life day by day.  She doesn't want, nor does she care for items, she only wants a good Master that knows how to tame this girl but with class and love.  

One year ago, the first of this month, I moved out of my marriage and begged for my mentor to become my Master. It was a very lonely, long and trying Year. It was also the most of myself I had ever given to anyone. I truly enjoy being his slave when I was with him and hated ever minute I was not. I grew from my training, became more confident at work and with my image. I had my ups and quite a few downs, but I am a survivor and once again clawed my way back into the women I am today.
The future is another move to a new home, and new beginnings. My hope is that I continue to grow with my image and confidence. I also hope to get to know you all better and be less self absorbed. I've pretty much settled into a comfortable balance of the love for the most irritating, resentful, and enjoyable life style, that works for me and my life outside of being a slave.
I am now learning to believe that if I am going to live this life of a slave, in my heart, soul and mind, I need to relax and take things that are dealt to me. I love fully and have a hard time letting go of which truly owns me. I am learning that in M/s relationships. nothing is perfect, guaranteed, or forever. I will continue to grow, enjoying being a slave that I have been trained to be as well nourish what is so very natural to me and has been all my life.
I am confident the one I serve will always remember this girl's touch, her eyes peeking seductively, enjoy her body dancing for his pleasure. He will enjoy her tiny teasing laughter, punish her when she has been naughty, and insist she obey only him.
This kajira is looking forward to and begging for the next year to be one she will want to always remember.

""Questioned asked""

I was asked about what is a slave who is true, or a person being a slave, my answer is this;
A collar doesn't matter. It is what is in this slave's heart. She can run, she can get pissed, she can cry, laugh, giggle, pout, all of that, but it is her Master that has the control. With or without him in this slave's presence, she is effected totally. When her relationship with her Master is good, she has a good day. If it is harmed, or suffers, her mood, and day is horrible. When she isn't with him, she wants to be with him. She never gets enough of his time. The more he gives, the more she wants. She doesn't care if it is cleaning his home, or letting him rape his property, she is only happy to serve him. She is a moth to a light with her Master. Craves him, worships him, desires him, kneels at his feet and kisses them begging for his attention. She fights all she knows and was conditioned, but her love for her Master wins and she kneels yet again, automatically, without thought, only to serve him and pleasure him. She is his, whether she wears a collar or not, he has claimed her, trained her, and used her. He says she is owned, his property, and not only does she believe him, she trusts him, she loves him, she is owned.



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CrystalizedEyes
 
 Age: 21
 Manila, Philippines