Why I submit

Submission isn’t something I do; it is who I am. There is no doubt of this in my mind. From as far back as I can remember I was a pleaser, I would do anything to make those around me happy. It always brought me great pleasure to have someone say “thank you”, “you didn’t have to”, “I so appreciate that”… and later in life “good girl”. Don’t confuse my submission with my kink. My submission is about my actions, the way and the why I do things for those around me. I work in a field that allows me to give to others, to help them be better people, to be happier people. In my family I am the go to person for everything. I am the friend that will get up at 3AM and come to you no questions ask, I am the person who will hand my last dollar away to anyone in need. Doing all these things fulfills a great need in me but it does have its draw backs… the biggest being the inability to say “no” even when doing something is detrimental to myself…usually emotionally… I will still give my very best, give my all so that whomever will be that much better off or happier. Submission is often a lonely state because of my own mind set I don’t depend on others. I know what needs to get done and I get shit done. And because of this those around me see me as a very strong independent woman, which I am… most of the time. I keep much to myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, not saying this is good or bad, just is how I am. I smile when I want to cry, because it feels like no one will wipe my tears or understand and want to deal with my pain. Ah then I found the lifestyle and I could submit in an open and honest fashion, serving in a way that was full of beautiful routines and rituals, held to a level of behavior and etiquette that was not seen in nilla life and I thrived. Thanks to wonderful Dominants in my past I learned to have balance in my life, I was giving rules and directives that helped me be a better person to myself, I was told and taught it was ok to say no though I’m still not good at it. Submitting isn’t about the kink I do but about the mind set I have and I can’t see my life any other way. It’s not easy… Lord knows there are days I want to walk away from it all… but there is so much beauty and fulfillment that it makes the hard days’ worth it in the end. To kneel at my Dominants feet and rest my head against his knee able to be who I am totally and completely, knowing the service I give is appreciated and in return I’m kept safe mentally, emotionally and physically is its greatest reward.