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Life is about balance, finding the right balance and maintaining it in a healthy way. So, for that reason I am a switch. Sadly, my Daddy side comes out all the time, while my submissive side gets to peek out only occasionally. This is partly due to trust issues and partly due to not having found the right partner.
I have a loving and wonderful, solid relationship with my kitten, but she's unable to be a top for me. And that's okay, I love her deeply no matter what. That said, I need to let my submissive side out in real life. I need to put myself into situations that I can't get safely in my daily routines. But also I need to draw out of myself or at least bring up to the surface several deep issues so that I can heal them. And she, being the wonderful kitten that she is, has agreed to let me seek another relationship to achieve this.
You don't need to be a healer, a psychotherapist or a NLP practitioner to top me, you just need to be loving, aware and patient, providing me the time and space to deal with the issues that have risen to the surface from my subconscious and unconscious minds. I am already skilled at healing myself and have all the tools to do so, I just need the environment to trigger my issues, the safe space to heal them and some encouragement to do so. At worst you'd be a sounding board as I question myself and dive into my own issues to find the connecting thread to focus on resolving. (At best, you’d learn how to heal too.) Be patient and loving as I take the brief time out to deal with my problems and then we can carry on with our fun.
Does this mean that our play sessions would just be about triggering me so that I can heal myself? Not at all, you can figure that the longer we work together the less and less I'll get triggered and the more fun we'll have. I can't say how long that will take, but I can mention how deep the trust and love can flow because of this… It’s just like any other BDSM relationship, only with the added benefit of not just physical vulnerability, but a different kind of emotional vulnerability too; which is not to say no BDSM relationships have emotional vulnerability, this is just of a different flavor…. so the potential for the relationship ties to deepen is very real.
I bring several excellent things to the table too. Aside from being a healer of the heart, mind, body and spirit, I also am a massage therapist, a cook, a problem solver, a computer tech/techie-geek. I know how to listen (you can't do my jobs without excellent listening skills) and I am always loving and supportive. I'm excellent at communication. I am loyal and devoted when present. And probably most important of all, an engaging companion for your adventures. Additionally, a great benefit to whoever is lucky enough to dominate me, is that because of my ability and desire to do the healing work, I have the ability to push my own limits faster and in a safer way than most can.... Granted, at the moment I can't say I have too many limits, but should one occur that we mutually want to surpass, I can metaphorically ninja my way past it.
And while I would absolutely love entering into a switchy dynamic with someone else that is passionate about healing in some fashion (psychology, reiki, herbs, hypnosis, whatever), it's not a requirement. The requirements that I do have, besides the ones stated above in paragraph 3, are being willing to be in a defined relationship, communicate with me on a regular (daily preferred) basis and plenty of time for me to just be me, whatever that is… IE I can’t do a 24/7 relationship with me as a sub. That’s just not being true to who or what I am. I am pansexual, so I'm not gender specific or even genetic-gender biased. Last of all, I don’t expect you to be perfect… no one is… but I do expect you to be authentic and if you get triggered, allow me to help you as you have helped me. I firmly believe in give and take, a nice balance in all relationships… this would be no different.
If all this works out between you and I, you'll be in a primary relationship with me. My beloved Kyrakitten has already agreed that if things should work out long term, my new partner can attain primary status alongside her. And if things work out where we become a Triad, great... if they remain a Vee, that's awesome too.
If you’d like to know more about me, my pro.com/users/407120) has a wealth of information about me and then there is the inexhaustible fountain of information that I am via modern communication methods.
If you've read this far, you deserve a cookie and I hope it resonates with you enough that I will be able to give you one at some point. If you want to read more, https://.com/users/407120/posts/1866649
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Self Disclaimer:
In the interest of fairplay and truthful, full disclosure, the following is disclaimer of the flaws that I have, or at least am aware of.
First of all, to the fore front of things, I've said it before and I'll say it again; I'm a dirty old woman in a young man's body. This means that at times I come off man-ly and other times I project an image that is very feminine, all without changing my clothes. :P
Second of all, I was raised in a dysfunctional family that was headed by domineering-passive-aggressive parents. I've done my best to break myself of these habits and tendencies. Unfortunately, if I'm exposed to others that exhibit these tendencies too much, I'll revert to these also as a survival mechanism.
Thirdly, I focus on humor a lot. I am always cracking jokes, being silly and employing sarcasm in a humorous manner. To the best of my knowledge, I never use sarcasm for any purpose other than humor. I'm rarely ever so serious that I can't crack a joke or find something humorous about a situation.
Fourth of all, I'm frequently accused of having an air of superiority. I'm not sure where this comes from, since I'm very aware that I'm an imperfect being. Yet, it is a running theme with people accusing me of having an attitude that I'm perfect or godly.... Yes, I'm a god, just as we are all gods and goddesses, but that doesn't mean I'm perfect. ~_^
For fifth place, I am prone to depression at times. I've done a lot to overcome this issue, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still happen. If the circumstances match up to patterns from my past, I might spiral out into depression on occasion. Sometimes I just wake up in a blah mood and don't want to do anything. This can be reversed though on a per incident basis.
In sixth place, I have a poor self-esteem, low self-confidence and such at times. Le sigh, I'm soooo human.
I'm sure that there is more, but I'm only aware of these things at the moment.
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Domineering and Dominance
_______________________
Several months back I was having some relationship issues with my `nilla girlfriend at the time and I read a book called "Making Love, Playing Power" by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio; which can be found on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Making-Love-Playing-Power-Intimate/dp/1933368683/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268862370&sr=8-1
The premise of the book is actually quite simple. Through social conditioning men are taught to treat women that they are in an intimate relationship with as less than equal. Some men have a tendency to treat women as less than equals irregardless of anything else, relationship or not all because of this social conditioning.
The book goes on to say that men tend to have the following 8 rules.
1. Don't act like a girl!
2. Keep your feelings to yourself!
3. Work is your first priority!
4. Be self reliant!
5. Be aggressive!
6. Be dominant!
7. Women are for sex!
8. Don't be gay!
These rules of the male unspoken code lead males to tend to be domineering and abusive, both physically and emotionally.
I've seen some stupid BS because of these rules. Like one guy harassed a friend of mine because he had his legs crossed as he was sitting, and accused my friend of being either gay or a girl. Some BS over something as insubstantial as crossing his legs.
Us men keeping our feelings to ourselves tends to cause problems to continue or be compounded via not actually addressing the situation positively. Frequently we do this sort of a thing so that either we feel that we are not hurting our lover (which is a co-dependent belief) or because we don't want to deal with our feelings and be seen as acting like a girl.
Putting work before your significant other is very belittling and insulting to a woman, making her think that you don't really care about her and her needs. Some men even follow this rule to the exclusion of leading any kind of a life away from work.
Being self reliant means never asking for help, and some things just simply cannot be done without help. And somethings are better if shared.
Being aggressive means go for what you want, irregardless of the feelings of others or the consequences of your actions/in-actions. My prior `nilla girlfriend at the time was constantly being hounded by her Ex boyfriend to get into a relationship again.... To the point that she frequently broke down and cried. The asshole didn't care that his aggressive persistence made her cry, he only cared about getting back with her again.
Be dominant... Man in his castle... His way or the highway, damn what anyone else thinks or needs. The implications of this kind of behavior is self evident.
Degrading women to nothing more than a sex object.... Calling on them or spending time with them for no other purpose than to have sex with them is upsetting to most women... Damaging to any relationship and frustrating to the woman because it's not a relationship you are in with her, it's a "usage arrangement."
Be secure in your sexuality... don't worry about "turning gay" or being "found gay"..... this is just BS. Doesn't matter if you self identitify as male, female, transgendered, crossdressing, gender fluidic or what..... Don't be afraid to do or try something based on the irrational fear of being labeled "gay".
Now.... that's all applicable out side of the figurative bedroom.....
If you and she enjoy degrading her, belittling her and ignoring her physically/emotionally only for the duration of a scene, by all means, have fun... just remember to leave that sort of a thing in the "bedroom" the rest of the time.
There's a lot more to the book, but anyone ought to get the basic idea at this point.
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Yins and Yangs
_____________
Humanity is complexity.
Complexity is natural.
A little of everything,
is hidden within all.
A little Yin is within the Yang.
A little Yang is contained in Yin.
I am strong and firm.
I am weak and soft.
I am resolute.
I am volatile.
I am optimistic.
I am depressed.
I am happy.
I am sad.
I am love.
I am hate.
I am acceptance.
I am rejection.
I am direction.
I am directionless.
I am warmth.
I am cold.
I am an angel of love and peace.
Yet I know hidden way down deep inside,
a demon of hate and violence doth reside.
Are we all nothing but beings of duality?
Here doth I reside,
deep inside,
far from prying eyes,
so deep internal.
Past the celestial.
Past the infernal.
I exist still as what was,
what is and what will be,
forever more and yet nevermore.
I, for that I am,
am everything and nothing,
potential made eternal,
perpetual motion made imperceptible.
If it matters to you, look at my mask.
But with my soul, feel it, never ask,
it serves it's own tasks.
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If you're a Dominant
________________
If you are a Dom/me that is wanting to contact me initially for exploration of a potential relationship, heed the following:
1. While I understand that you have to have your profile as strict and authoritarian with various commands and conditions to weed out the wannabes, the incompatibles and the wankers, don't carry that over into your emails with me initially.
I'm human, you're human and I expect you to be a human contacting me. You and I both know that the role of being a hardcore dominant is a mask, an illusion you put on to build a scene and set the tone... Do not think for one second that treating me as less than an equal human is going to make me hard and fall down at your digital feet and beg for you to take me in. Approach me as a person that wants to make another friend and we'll go from there. That's how I'd approach you.
2. While I am a dirty old woman in a man's body, I am VERY comfortable with this. I do not want to be sissified or feminized. Sexual objectification is fine, it turns me on a lot, but I'm physically male and am staying that way. Accept me as a proud and strong male or go away. I would not want to masculinize you if our roles were reversed. I would accept you as you came to me, big and strong or small and fem. I'll love you for who and what you are.
3. Don't even bother asking if I'm willing to shave of the mustache. It has a mole underneath it that is very allergic to razors and tends to weep red stuff profusely when shaved.
4. TPE is not my thing. I am a switch. I am not a slave. I like having my own choices and my freedoms. Yes, I know how to say no and walk away if I want to. If you think that this doesn't make me a subbie, you're free to believe that; just believe it on someone else's time and line, not mine. Also, because I am a switch, I reserve the right to have my own subs and collar them as I please. My subs are not your subs automatically.
5. CBT is not my thing currently, so don't even start off talking to me about that.... maybe... and that's a huge maybe... once we get to know each other I might be more accepting of it, but that should not even be on the table right now.
6. Just like in my profile above, I don't want to start off talking about sexual desires all the time. Build a friendship with me first.... After we are close emotionally, then we can talk about sexual desires and fantasies. I'm not saying don't bring up the sexual conversation topics at all if you have a particular fetish you really want met/compatible, but I do not want to let it dominate our relationship and set the foundation of the relationship to be lust. That kind of a relationship will not last.
7. I'm a sensual sadomasochist... I don't blindly accept pain just for pain's sake. Know how to make it sensual or be mild at it.... My pain threshold might be high, but my enjoyment of pain is much lower than that. If you must inflict pain upon me, make my flesh warm and tingly and call it a day, thank you. That's what I enjoy the most.
Now, if you think you can do/respect all of that, please, by all means click the "message" button and hit me up. Please try to be interesting though. You and I both know that one-liners are rather boring. I'll give you one chance if you're not interesting. And I'll also mention that I am aware of the idea behind canned-spam messages.... So if you do write me a message, write a message to me about me. I know I have plenty of unique information in my profile for you to strike up a conversation off of.
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Let go
_____
I let go one of my online-subbies tonight. We were suppose to be in a long distance relationship, but when she couldn't follow such simple directions as instant messaging me twice a day (and it's not due to a lack of availability) and my threats of punishment didn't work, it was time to just walk away and acknowledge that she was all talk and no walk.
I sent her an email last week, telling her that unless she asked for a punishment, acted on it and took to fulfilling my commands, things were over between us as a Dominant and a submissive, but we could continue on as friends as we have before.
She finally IMmed me tonight and fed me some psychobabble bs but was agreeable to our ending that aspect of our relationship.
*le sigh* Where are the more sane subbies? LOL
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My Spirituality
____________
I recently was talking to a prospective subbie girl who was Christian. She had the daftness to ask me if I "worshiped the devil." Let me tell you, half of me wanted to tell her to go get herself educated and the other half was so thoroughly turned off by her closed-minded naivety, I just wanted to walk away.
To give others a very small idea of my spirituality, I'll say this much:
The Divine Creator/Tao/The All/Source/Supreme Being/Spirit/God/Whatever-you wanna-call-It decided to Create, but since nothing exists outside of itself, everything is made within it, we are all contained and exist within the mind of Divinity.... Essentially, this is the same kind of creating we do with our imaginations. Only this kind of imagining is more sophisticated, you and I see ourselves as "real" and "independent" of any form of outside influences, but we are not so separate from the Tao.
And it's through this connection to the All that I can and do influence the Universe.
This is just a tiny glimpse into my spirituality.... It goes much further than this, but this ought to be a good start for an introduction to an Alchemist/Mage.
And for those of you that might have the stereotypical definition of an Alchemist; no, I do not turn (transmute) lead into gold. Alchemy is the merging of Science and Spirituality. Alchemists were the founding fathers of Science.... Alchemy is Science without the denial or disbelief of the spiritual or the "supernatural" and an acceptance of the unseen.
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What happened to Netiquette?
_________________________
I must find the imaginary office of official complaints to complain about the state of affairs on this planet when people commonly use abbreviated words in nearly every sentence. Or a complete lack of punctuation.
It's confusing and can put forth a bad image on which to make a first impression.
I admit that I use a few three letter acronyms, but I do not flood every sentence with them. Okay, I admit I'm addicted to "LOL" as a prefix for my sentences. But consider that one as almost an emote... I'm laughing out loud what follows the "LOL" or after a sentence.
Subbies, slaves, whatevers, I highly suggest that you try to communicate clearly and succinctly, with as few abbreviations and a nice smattering of punctuation. I can't speak for anyone one else, but it comes off poorly to me to see that sort of a thing.
Think of contact with a potential dominant as a quasi-job interview. You wouldn't wanna show up and speak as an uneducated moron at a job interview. Communicating with a dominant of any form is about the same. Try to put your best foot forward first and then follow their lead. If a dominant is relaxed about things, chances are, you can be two... if not, keep up with the level of protocol they are using.
Something that a lot of people in general don't take into consideration when talking to a dominant is that the good dominants will use nearly everything you communicate as clues about you to see if you are a good fit to their life or not. While, yes, we tend to be understanding, we do watch like hawks for tendencies that indicate a particular problem. Once we spot one, we have to ask ourselves whether it's something we want to put up with, have changed or send the person on their way.
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The Source of One's Power
_____________________
Last night I was reading someone else's journal on here and came across an entry on Power and I feel the need to write my own commentary on the subject.
Power can't really be demanded like so many wannabe's believe that they can do. Power doesn't comes from insisting that a sub refer to you with a capitalized letter and themselves strictly lowercase. Any power that you may think you have from this is false and fleeting.
Power doesn't come from how many subbies a dominant might keep in their stable. And trust me, having a menagerie that you are constantly seeking to grow speaks volumes of how little power you really have.
Power isn't in how many toys you have, or how expertly you can control an implement. Power isn't in how you can leave marks in the flesh of others. Power isn't in how expensive the things in your life are. Power isn't in how popular you are with others.
Power comes from a place deep inside. From an inner knowing. A knowing that no matter what, you'll come out on top in a situation. Any situation.
This is the same power that allows you to change the situation when someone tries to mug or rob you. This is the same power that you use when when you are staring down the barrel of a gun and you don't quake with fear until ~after~ everything is done and said, and you can afford to break down. LOL
I have this power. I've had this power stem from sources long past. I've had an inner power that drives me to go on, despite the odds, despite the outlook of everyone else.
And it doesn't matter what side of the flip you're on, we should all have this power.... Subbies, just because you take a position of subservience and supplication, that doesn't mean you are powerless. It only means that you choose to use your power to accept the situation around you and abide by it.
Notice the subbies that struggle, the ones that put up a fight. They know that they have their own power. They may not win the struggle, but they know that they have it. It's this same power that some seek to feel as if their spirit has been broken in a scene.
Laughably, it's almost sad to see a subby with more personal power than a dominant.
It is also this same power that enables a good witch/mage/shaman/whatever to exert their will on the Universe and actually see results. It's not in the "cone of energy" that they build, or the tools that they use. It's within them.
This power never weakens or goes away, but sometimes we feel like we don't have it. And it's in these dark hours of our souls that we have to turn inward, root around deeply within ourselves and find it. This is when we latch onto it with both hands and feel it SURGE within us, yearning to be released in some fashion.
I'm a switch. I'm not "little" or "powerless". I'm not "weak" or "inferior". I'm most anyone's equal, and sometimes their better. I'll dominate or submit to anyone I feel like because I feel like it. Not because they say I have to or I'm not a "true" whatever. I am true to myself first and foremost and damn what anyone else thinks. That is power. True power.
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Different views on Pain Infliction
__________________________
Recently, I was with some friends that live the lifestyle 24/7. The dominant's position on pain and "punishment" was to make it truly painful and harsh on the sub so that she would not want it all the time.
I see this sort of thing as ridiculous since I'm a sensual sadist. A masochist enjoys receiving pain and a sadist enjoys inflicting it. Why not step outside of the paradigm of "punishment" and simply give pain combined with pleasure for the sake of the mutual parties enjoyment?
I mean, how hard is it to walk up to a subbie and say, "I'm in the mood to give a spanking and you're gonna receive it." There is no need to put up the pretense that the subbie has been bad and need punishment to correct behavior that does not exist.
In my opinion and in general, it's more mature to mutually agree to do this sort of a thing. If a subbie acts up, a few things can be done. You can punish them more harshly and without the loving tenderness that you normally would, or you can issue other forms of punishment. I like assigning essays. *Cackles* Subbies hate that... It's not sexual, it's not pain related but they don't enjoy it. And last of all, if a subbie really won't submit or learn a lesson, you can simply cut off contact with them. Of course you have to tell them this up front and tell them how long contact is being with held, be it short term or indefinitely.
Hehehe, I once had a subbie tell me that she enjoyed twisting punishments around into things that she enjoyed. I told her to put her nose on the wall and enjoy that one. Hahaha! She frowned and said she couldn't find a way to enjoy it.
I'm about to release one of my long distance subbies because she cannot follow simple orders, like instant messaging me a simple greeting on a daily basis. Other forms of punishment are not working for meeting such simple demands.
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What I'm looking for in a Submissive:
What am I wanting in a subbie? Intelligence. Independence. Creativity.
Spirituality. A zeal to explore. Strength and courage. Love and inner
beauty.
Someone that is willing to walk on the darkside with me. Even though
I'm a loving dominant, I am not afraid to explore the realm of sensual
pain and seductive torture. When it comes to dishing out the pain, I
incite the desire to be hurt in others. To excite them, to make them
crave it, to beg me verbally, to beg me physically with the arching of
their bodies, to beg me with their eyes.... That brings out my love of
dominance.... To excite you to to such a degree of desire that you beg
for something on all levels of your being.... to fully experience
want.... to not just want a thing, but to crave a thing... to crave and
need what I am teasingly offering but withholding from you.
How do I do this? *focuses hux large brown eyes upon you intently* By
loving intensely, without restraint or condition enables the needed
elements of trust and compassion.... but once those are in place, it's
a matter of keeping you on edge with a delicate blending of sensuality
and pain.... or the threat of pain. Floggers, flails, paddles, knives,
fire and hands.... these are my tools but my method is imagination.
I'm not brutal by any means. I'd never deliberately break a bone or mar
you irreparably, not even on a psychological or emotional level...
And then there is the point where you bare yourself to me with no
hesitation, no restriction, only full love and trust.... and you let me
in.... you let me into your mind and your very soul... allowing me to
program and condition you to do as I want on command..... *chuckles
with a wicked warmth* To hold you close and to cause you to orgasm with
nothing done to you physically... but to crawl into your heart and soul
and talk you through an orgasm... after orgasm... after mind blowing
orgasm....
I want a pet. Someone that understands what it's like to have some
independence, but be bonded to one another. Lead your own life at
times. Have your own goals and desires for yourself and you life, but
also share them with me... this is a partnership I seek. I will help
you accomplish what you want as much as you will help me. The bonds of love and trust work both ways.
Who I'm not looking for...
Someone that is so wrapped up in their fantasies that their
profile/journal is filled with fantasies. I love the imagination, don't
get me wrong, but someone ~that~ focused on finding the "One" that
meets their fantasies is just living in a dream world that can only
lead to unhappiness from unfulfilled expectations. They will top from
the bottom... they will cry at your not meeting their every needs...
Someone that debases themselves from the onset.... If you don't care
enough about yourself and your individuality to call yourself anything
other than "girl" or something similar, you're not for me. I desire to
value you for who you are, not what you are. You are a human being to
be loved and cherished as an equal that is choosing to serve, not an
object or base property.
Furthermore, if your idea of fun is to be degraded, browse on. I'd
sooner lavish you with compliments than to insult and degrade you. If
you're nothing... if your so pathetic or unworthy.... you're not worthy
of me and you can browse on.
**** This journal entry will be copied and pasted with edits and
additions when it's not the top entry and I find that it needs to be
updated. Have fun all and I hope you find what you're looking for.
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HUman
I am a HUman. I say this because I am physically male. Spiritually, I am female. Mentally I am both.
Dow Chemical Corp did this PR ad campaign that said that the most basic
element that they worked with and appreciated the most as the HUman
element. The geek in me loved it and around that time I was looking to
get a new tattoo. Since I'm pagan and know that intention is everything
and consider body modification a sacred art, I decided to look up the
meanings of the word HU. Among other things that fitted me well, I
found the following:
Hu (also hu) is a third person singular "non
gender-specific pronoun", short for "that human". Its variants include
"hus", "hux", "hume", and "huself".
(as taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hu )
This clicked with me. I clutched it with both hands and made a mad dash
with it. Fired up MSpaint and created a very simple tattoo design with
the intitial concept of the "periodic table" as the basis and then
working in other subtle meanings in the design.
The reason I clung to this is that in my spiritual beliefs, we go through a
spiritual evolution in our lives. For several lives we'll learn to be
one gender, then we incarnate as another...... eventually we start
flopping from one life to the next, trying to learn to balance the two.
Guess where I am in that process?
Now this is my belief, not yours nor do I expect you to relate or agree with me, but I wanted to explain it.
You see, I've spent more lives as a woman than as a male....
substantially more, but that doesn't detract from me. I'm strong and
full of resolve when I want and soft, sensitive and caring when I want.
*chuckles* I'm not girly-flamboyant like a purely homosexual male would
be, but I am feminine in my ways at times.... especially where it
matters the most, in my heart. I'm calculating and logical, to a fault,
but I believe that I'm a good balance of the two genders. Get to know
me and try to decide for yourself.
*chuckles*Am I someone that is shocking and attention grabbing because
I adore shock value and also because I ~know~ me. I know myself more
thoroughly than most people do. I've spent a large portion of the past
decade in introspection learning more about myself.
I wasn't always bisexual in this life.
I wasn't always a switch in this life.
I wasn't always spiritually transgendered in this life.
I wasn't always a healer in this life.
These are things I've grown into by discovering more of who and what I
am through asking myself deep questions and being brutally honest with
myself.
I'm different from most people and adhere to very little of what you
consider normal.... but that doesn't mean that I'm so radically
different from anyone that I can't get along with them.
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Dominance by choice.... what a difference
So in the past I've always been forced into being the dominant one in the bedroom and more because my lovers were completely submissive.
Since I've actively changed my disposition of preferences, I've been having lots of fun driving all my loves wild with impassioned frenzy as I flex my dominate tendencies, pulling on their minds here... pushing on their minds there.... grasping their hearts and minds firmly with both hands and whispering directly into their souls.
Gave Dever a spanking the other day. And while it was virtual, she enjoyed it and never imagined that a spanking could be so sensual or erotic.
*chuckles* And getting Azzy and Dever to both orgasm on command in fantastic ways... different combinations... twisting their programming to new uses.... instilling new programming in their beautiful little squishy minds.... *chuckles* such fun.
Alas, long distance domination pales in comparision to the real thing.... holding them against you, watching them writhe... *sighs then chuckles* but the bond... the bonds of love and trust I've developed with Azzy and Dever are something I'd never trade for anything in the world.
I'm planning on playing a scene with Dever that includes the violet wand with the metal chain and pad attachement.... Dever will surely feel the sparks fly *giggles* Even if it's just in her mind.
*chuckles* I'm sure you're asking why I'm bragging a bit about this if it's not local and physical.... It's because I'm more interested in showing that I have an imagination... I have a brain... a mind and I use it to a wicked advatage.... and since I've started to deliberately take joy in being dominant, I've been enjoying it a lot more.
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In taking a hard look at myself, my life and my beliefs and my personality, I'm ditching the active desire to find a dominant woman. If a dominant woman stumbles upon my profile and seeks to possibly develop a D/s relationship, fantastic, but I don't expect it to happen any time soon..... and it's far less likely that she'll be compatible with me.
So... *chuckles* I'm sure it's a bit amusing to see that a few days ago I was more subbish and now I'm more domly. Life is fluidic. Sometimes something happens and you have to pause, think and adapt your ways to the new situation.
They say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time. Ergo, I'm stopping the insanity and am changing what I'm doing drastically.
Have I been dominant before? Yes. Was it entirely my choice? No, hence I didn't want to do it.... now it's my choice and therefore my desire. Doing what I want and interests me is where I excel.
That said, I'm good at mixing things. Pleasure and pain. Sensuality, animalism, eroticism, domination and ownership are well in hand. As a switch I believe that I have the lovely insight of what submissives want, what they crave and need and how to provide it.
Granted each person is unique, but collectively, we all have similar desires. Part of the fun in that is discovering how each person is different and finding ways to please and provide for their needs.
One thing a subbie can expect with me is that I will never strike them out of anger. I will never invent a BS reason to hurt them. Instead I will tell them how much I love them, that they've don't nothing wrong, but I want to spank/flog/whip/ect them. And as I do it, I will be give almost as much attention to being seductive and sensual as I do the infliction of pain itself.
Anyone can inflict pain. Pain is easy to give, but to mix it with love and sensuality... that's a challenge, but one that I love to overcome.
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Soooo I tried to upload scans of my A+ cert, my cert that says I've completed the needed training for the licensing from the state of Texas and the Texas State license itself... CM choose to reject them for not being me, even though I've seen this sort of thing in other peoples profiles. :(
The photo you recently submitted as photo #4 was not approved.
Reason:
Any photos you didn't take yourself are not permitted. This includes
professional photos, copyrighted works, and artwork.
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From Pink Floyd's "The Final Cut"
One of my all time favorite bands and my favorite song of all by them.
and if I show you my dark side
will you still hold me tonight
and if I open my heart to you
and show you my weak side
what would you do
would you sell your story to rolling stone
would you take the children away
and leave me alone
and smile in reassurance
as you whisper down the phone
would you send me packing
or would you take me home
*gets teary eyed* To be totally open and vulnerable, and yet still accepted and loved is the ultimate dream, isn't it? That's what it means to be owned to me.
*facepalms for having typoed the word "cut" in a horrible way and scrambles to correct it*
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I'm polyamorous. For those of you that don't know what this means, I'll `splain it to you clearly enough for Lucy and Ricardo to both understand easily enough. ^_^
The word itself breaks down into two words Poly and Amorous. Poly means "many" and Amorous means "loving". Ergo "loving many".
In my spirituality, I cannot contain myself to loving only one person only one way and no others in the same way. If I love you, I love you unconditionally... I accept you fully for who and what you are and will express appreciation for you, your being and you being you, without conditions to you on a regular basis.
I may not love everyone to the same depth, but I can and do love many. This a a major component of who and what I am.
I said "what I am" in that last sentence. I've coined a new term, phylosomnibus. Phylo means "lover" and "omnibus" means all things, ergo I love all things. *white doves and white cotton tail fluffy bunnies scamper by at this point* Uhhhh, yeah.... ignoring them and moving right along... Some would call me a fluffy bunny *stops the doves and bunnies from making another pass with a stern glare* but I'm more of a grey hat.... but I do love all things and all people in at least a basic sense that is best described as compassion.... I may not know you from the next human I cast my eyes on, but I do know that I'll have enough compassion to offer a helping hand up off the ground. Becuase of this love for all things, I am a phylosomnibus. It's a title of attainment in my purview of things... a lofty goal... and once achieved a title in and of itself.
And compassion is a basic form of unconditional love.
But getting back onto target here... I'm polyamorous. I love many people... I can't help but love others.... If I didn't love a person beyond the basic compassion that I hold for all people, then I'm not going to meaningfully associate with them after giving them a fair chance.
Love is not something that we have only a limited quantity of.... we might be limited in time and therefore may not be able to give others enough of our attention and express our emotions for them adequately, but we have an endless supply of love. Do you ever run out of love for your family? Does having a significant other mean that you can't love your best friend? No, of course not... and that same love (or at least the unconditional love that it ought to be) can be spread around with many "lovers".
Though at this point I ought to make mention that in polyamory, having a "lover" can be different between different relationships... one lover might be a bedmate and the next might be a cuddlebuddy and the next might be a penpal... it's not so much what you do with them that matters in as much as how you love them and that you do love them.
Other people will ramble on about integrity, openness and honesty in being poly. I am those things already, they are not goals I strive for or duties I hope to achieve, they simply are and are therefore not the main focus of my ramblings. Most people want to argue about being able to love more than one person, not so much how to successfully be polyamorous... leave that to the polys to argue over. *chuckles*
Love is not sex... it's appreciation and caring for others... why wouldn't you want to share that with as many other people as possible?
Anyways... that's enough of my rambling on my viewes of polyamory and how it works... *poofs in a flurry of red and pink hearts that are smeared with something black and sticky... sticking those hearts to just about everything... check and scrape your shoes*
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So I suppose I should mention that to me, in looking for a partner, submission is not something one should give automaticly. Just because you think that you have earned the right to be called Mistress or Goddess or what have you, doesn't mean that you've earned that degree of respect from me....
Submission is a gift that should be earned, not blindly given to any that demand it. Else you end up as nothing more than a doormat. I've lived life as a doormat. *Giggles* I shall not be trampled under the mindlessness of the masses any longer.
If you're looking for a subbie, expect long and drawn out courtship of at least several months, during which you'll have ample opportunity to earn my respect.
Fellow subbies, I'm not interested in taking you in.... I've enough subbies in SL and a full plate there.... If anyone is asking, yes I have a Mistress in SL too, but She is not able to be a life partner with me. She knows about this profile here on CollarMe.com, and encouraged me to keep it after a sudden feeling of guilt and fearing my possibly having betrayed Her. Fortunately for me, She is more concerned about my happiness than anything else and would like for me to be happy in real life too. Nothing that you and I could ever develop would ever cause me to forsake Her. She's one of my best friends and has given me more support than most other people have even bothered to consider. She will always be within my heart, held in a special place I hold all my lovers in. If anyone should ever be given the honor of taking my collar, they need to understand and respect this bond She and I share. That is certainly not negotiatble.
One last thing and then I'll stop posting here.... I was a slave in a past life.... I'll never be a slave again if I can avoid it... I am a submissive, I choose to submit and my choice is as much a gift as your choice to dominate and own me is. Think of me as a pet. Please me and I'll please you..... Don't.... well, it's doubtful I'll follow you back to your place to even bother giving myself the chance to pee in your shoes. :p |
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| Age: 20 |
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Illinois |
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