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Aylee
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soul2share
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ReflectiveSoul2
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The following paragraph?was written during a rough period in My life.? While it no longer applies, and I am again searching, I leave it here to remind Myself...if no one else...what that period was like and the truth of what is written here.
***I have nothing to give right now.? My friends and acquaintances are welcome to write...
A broken heart, a dream shattered and an ego?diminished are all ingredients for the grieving of something held valuable within your heart that did not come to fruition.? Those who've never felt the tears and unique pain that comes when the one they love walks away are both lucky...and unlucky.***?
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And now,with several updates as of August 2014
I really do appreciate you stopping by to read My profile.? My profile is going to be pretty in-depth about My likes and dislikes and My views on the D/s dynamic.? Before I have ever met anyone, I have spent a lot of time in communication about these topics, both by email and by telephone.? Therefore, though I know there is always "so much more" to find out when you are actually with someone physically vs. when you are just in communication with them, there really should not be all that many surprises.?? I hope you enjoy it and if anything strikes you...good or bad...let Me know.
As the information on the left indicates, I am a dominant male.? I have been involved in D/s since 1998.? During that time, I have been involved with 3 long-term submissives (long-term meaning involvement of 2 years or longer) and several casual D/s relationships.? I remain friends with almost all that I have been involved with, I have friends that I have never played with on both sides of the "slash" and a couple of friends that choose to inhabit both sides of the slash.? I've learned from them all and, hopefully, have taught them some things.?
I have 3 Basic Rules and 1 Basic Premise. ?These are not D/s rules or BDSM Rules or Sex rules, these are the rules I follow and ask those dealing with me to follow. ?These hold true whether I am getting to know you as a patient, as a friend, as a prospective play partner or as a long-term partner.? The rules are fairly simple:? 1.? Courtesy and civility:? I don't expect to have your respect or your trust from the get-go.? You don't know Me, at first, from Adam and I might simply be handing you a line.? I understand that and I respect that approach.? However, that does not preclude common courtesy and civility.? My folks raised Me to be a gentleman and I try to be one at all times.? If you wish to be treated as a gentleman or as a lady, then please remember that it goes both ways.? If I earn your respect, I will expect that your manner will indicate that just as Mine will indicate that you have done the same.? 2.? Patience and understanding:? No one is perfect.? I don't expect them to be and when I am first getting to know you...no matter your gender, orientation (Dom/sub, straight/gay/bi), level of experience, etc...that is just it---I don't KNOW you and guess what?? I'm not perfect either(God-like in My closeness to it but not there...~grins~) and therefore don't expect it from you.? That does not mean I will allow you to treat me like dung beneath your feet (see Rule 1) but it does mean that you are human and are going to have off days.? So am I.? If you want Me to have patience and understanding with you and treat you in a civil manner when something you have done has angered or disappointed Me, I will.? I expect the same from you. ? ? ? ? ? 3.? Communication:? This is something I see over and over on the boards and in real life;? people state how important communication is and then close it down when something goes wrong.? They need time to get over their anger or they need space or they need a chance to think and gather their thoughts.? I understand all that and even agree with it up to a point...but at a certain point, you need to communicate with each other---with courtesy, civility, patience and understanding.? I believe this is important whether you are dealing with a business associate, a friend, a potential partner, or a long-term partner.
My Basic Premise is this:? There is definitely room for 2 partners in a D/s dynamic but only 1 leader...and in My world, that is not the submissive.
More to come later as I try to recall what I had on here before and put down My thoughts now.
And now, here IS some more.
Submission from the simplest aspect:? To yield your will to that of another.
A bit more in-depth explanation, though certainly not My entire view of submission as I see it:? If you have agreed to submit to Me...whether it be for a weekend, a week, a month, or longer...then submit.? I promise you that I will be dominating you and all the rules that I noted above will be in place but I am not going to be receptive to constant challenges.
To put it simply, I have chosen not to?do brats.? I don't do SAMs either.? If that is what flips your trigger...hooray for you.? It does absolutely nothing for Me except tick Me off.? I love intelligent submissives and the sometimes-spirited playfulness that comes from that intelligence but there is a big line of demarcation between playfulness and bratty/SAM behavior.??Here's something that can go to SAM behavior very quickly:? If you want Me to spank you/flog you/whip you, tie you up, fuck you silly...then say so.? I am not fond of the idea that all play/sexual interaction has to come at the instigation of the dominant.? As the dominant, if you come to Me asking/begging to be?fucked/played with?I can always say "No", can't I?? But, if your idea of the best way to get the things noted above is to push Me or?needle Me so as to provoke Me into giving you those things as punishment rather than just ask for them outright,?that is SAM mode and?it doesn't work for Me.?
Something else that is important to Me...and it has been brought home to My heart again very recently...is this:? be responsible for your actions and understand your actions have consequences.? If you hurt someone really badly, understand that 'having to' say you are sorry may not be the only consequence you have to pay.? I understand that each and every thing I do carries with it a series of consequences that I may or may not have to face but, except for those things that?sometimes occur without?a way to plan, I?plan on having to face them.? And, for those things that I cannot plan, I still understand that I may have consequences to face for My actions,?whether?My actions were meant?in the way they were perceived or not. Too many people stumble through their life blithely...seemingly unaware that their actions and their words can have devastating effects on others.? Then, when they are called on their behavior, they seem to think that an apology is all they need offer up.? Not in My world...I expect you to think about what you are doing, I expect you to look within?yourself more than once in awhile and think about what hurt feelings, what anger, what damage you might cause.? Then, when you are human...just like Me, just like anyone else...and screw up, I expect you to be able to look inside yourself after the fact and come to answers as to why you did what you did.? While it is true that other people, including Myself, are responsible for the level of our feelings in response to your actions you don't get to step away and say "hey, your response is unreasonable"...when it isn't.? Nor do you get to step away and state "I'm not responsible for what you feel" when it is bad because?when it is good, you damn sure want to be praised for what you make Me or others feel.
Another thing brought home to Me over the last few months:? keeping your word.? So many people on the boards, on their profiles, in real life talk about honesty and, to Me, keeping your word is a part of honesty.? If you have promised you will call, then do so.? If you have promised you will write, then do so.? If you have promised you will have the laundry done, then do so.? Why is this so important to Me?? Well, besides the fact that I was raised to keep My word, here is an example from My life.? My last submissive extracted a promise from Me and I worked hard to keep it.? I felt that it was important to do so...to stand behind the words I spoke, to be responsible for the actions My promise entailed.? After she'd extracted this promise, she then began to play around on Me, giving over her submission to another while continuing to keep Me held to My promise.? This especially fits in with things I noted earlier in this profile about submitting if that is what you have agreed to, about communication, about actions having consequences...yeah,?her actions?damn sure took Me down and have made Me wonder about Myself and who/what I am in this life.? In the end, it is just about "being fair" to another.
Since I just spoke of it again, let's touch on the "if you are going to agree to submit, then submit"? statement.? For me, submission is not all about submitting to what you would do anyway.? Let's face it...we all do that in some form or fashion every day, dominant or submissive.? When I work with a patient or deal with my family, there are times when I submit my will to theirs because it is what I want to do?and, in some cases, because it is more expedient to do so.? But there are times when?I am going to ask you to do something, either within the D/s dynamic or the BDSM dynamic or even the strictly sexual dynamic that, though it may not be a hard limit, is not something you really want to do.? I am going to expect you to try your hardest to do as you agreed to do and submit.? If you have to bite your tongue, fine.? If you have to?groan inwardly as you do so, fine.? As long as honest effort is undertaken to submit and complete the task, then even if you fail at the task, at least you succeeded in the submission.?
If that doesn't seem like much fun, then consider this:? Those types of situations are not going to occur very often with Me.? I am not a big fan of deliberately seeking out the difficult for my submissive to do nor am I a believer in "testing" the submissive.? And please give further consideration to?this...In a way, fulfilling the responsibilities and promises and obligations you have agreed to take on as the dominant is a form of submission...submitting?the dominant's own selfish will... at times... to the "will" of your better self, and for the good of the dynamic and his submissive.
I spoke above of "keeping your word".? It is a form of honesty.? Now, I will state this here as I have stated it on the boards in quite a few threads:? I don't believe anyone is totally honest 100% of the time.? I do believe?that a person?should strive to be honest always WHILE accepting the fact that I am...along with?everyone else...human; that situations are not always black and white, that sometimes...no matter how hard we try to overcome our own nature...we will lie to protect ourselves or others.? The intent behind the lie is always...ALWAYS something that needs to be discovered before you judge all lies in the same manner.? I've discovered personally the damage a lie can do...as I am sure we all have...and that is why I try each day to be totally honest.? I succeed a great amount of the time but I am not perfect.? The last being who was perfect departed from us 2000 years ago.? Keeping your word and backing up what you say you feel with what you do are all related to honesty.
While I am on this honesty kick, let me bring another point in...something that a good friend discussed My doing:? I have friends on the boards and friends in my life who are dominant and I have friends on the boards and friends in my life who are submissive.? I speak with all of them.? Some of these conversations are more in-depth than some are with others, some are more playful with some?than others and some are just a sharing of knowledge.? Whatever the conversations I have with one, I don't carry it to others.? Reason?? Because I don't expect to have to share something with you that does NOT affect you and Me.? I?certainly?don't expect sharing of your conversations with other dominants...whether you are just speaking with them or having phone sex with them or writing a story with them...?while we are in the "getting to know you" stage UNLESS you are getting serious with another dominant.? Then I would expect you to tell Me, just as I would tell you if I was moving from the "getting to know you" stage to something more serious with another submissive.??Plans to meet someone?? Well...I have dealt with submissives who continue playing with others while they get to know?Me and I have been aware of it.??Some of those submissives, when asked, have made it clear that until they meet someone they are speaking with, through email and phone, IN PERSON that they intend to keep playing until that meeting takes place.??Definitely planning on moving a submissive/dominant in?? Yeah, that probably should be discussed.? And?for quite awhile now, I have NOT been speaking to any submissive?about any?tentative, let alone definite, plans to move them in.?
That brings Me to another thought.? Standards:? standards are a fine thing to have.? I have them.? But if you are going to expect Me to live up to your standards...be they honesty and/or communication and/or monogamy and/or what-have-you...make sure you are living up to them.
As a dominant, I do have standards for Myself and for My submissive and for the dynamic we will share.? Some of these are discussed above.? Here is another...I don't believe that just because someone has submitted to Me that I have the right, unless she has given it to Me, to make unilateral decisions that touch on moral or ethical grounds.? There is a thread on the boards in which a submissive agreed to submit to a dominant man...rules and structure of the dynamic were laid out and both parties agreed to them;? he broke them and, when confronted with it, felt he had no need to say anything other than "I changed My mind...too late for you".? I won't do this.? While I believe I have the right to make decisions about every single aspect of our dynamic and our relationship and while I believe I can do that without having to discuss each and every little detail about why and how and what when it comes down to day-to-day life within the dynamic and the relationship, I DON'T believe I have the right to tell someone who entered into what they thought would be a monogamous relationship with Me that I have decided we are now "poly".? If I were to try, without any kind of discussion or prior indicators, then I would expect you to confront Me about it and either ask for discussion or walk away.? This kind of big decision covers moral and ethical areas and deserves free-flowing, serious discussion.? If we could not come to an agreement, then we both have the right ...and the obligation...to walk away or to give in completely to the other without guilt and without pretense and without cover-ups.
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A little about me outside of D/s. ?I love dogs and cats. ?I love hot rods and own two of them. ?I love motorcycles...I have one now and may buy a bigger one next year as a road bike. ?I love to read...Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Patricia Cornwell are all favorites of mine...about many things, not just those areas covered by the aforementioned authors. ?I knit, for relaxation and to keep my hands and fingers dexterous. ?I keep hoping to find time to airbrush but with one daughter's wedding last year, another one this year and just life...I haven't made the time to do so.
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People I'd love to meet...Ronald Reagan, John Kennedy, Robin Williams, John Wayne, Ozzie (when he was coherent), Ringo, Ray Manzaroff, Eric Clapton, Chip Foose, Paul Teutle Sr, Ansel Adams, Marilyn Monroe, Maureen O'Hara.
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A Veteran is someone who at one point in their life wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for an amount up to and including, their life. That is beyond honor and there are way too many people in this country who no longer remember that fact. Copy and paste this to your journal if you are a Veteran,... know a Veteran, Love a Veteran, or Support the Troops! May God Bless Them All
I too am a Veteran...
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On a recent thread titled "Obey" in the General BDSM section (as of 02 September 2009), I had noted that I had the phrase "My way or the highway" in My profile. Andalusite rightly pointed out---after reading the profile---that I was wrong. I checked and---damn it---she was right!
So...let Me add it in in this manner. The phrase is seen by many submissive types as an ultimatum and it can be. However, I see it, in simple terms, as a statement of the structuring of the D/s dynamic. It is my job to run the relationship, run the dynamic, be responsible for the submissive's wants and needs. It is her job to agree to this...or not. If she does, then we are back to what I do say in the profile: If you are going to submit to Me, then do so. Let's expand on that, as I did in the thread: If you are going to ask Me to be responsible, to be caring, to be patient and understanding and to have the balls to take responsibility for My fuck-ups as well as any other responsibilities I take, then I ask you to do what you have agreed to do and that is submit. I've already discussed that in My world, submission means yielding of your will to Mine, just as it states in the dictionary. Part of yielding is obedience. Part of yielding is acceptance of the dynamic being "My" way. Does that leave no room for discussion? Of course not...we work together in the beginning to find a dynamic structure that fits both of us. We are both human and there are going to be mis-steps. But there is a difference between missteps or unintentional disobedience and intentional disobedience. And there is a difference between intentional disobedience ( I see intentional disobedience being committed because there is a serious difficulty with the obedience such that further discussion is called for ) and WILLFUL disobedience---you know the order has been given, it is not against your hard limits or morals and yet you choose to disobey.
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Posts I have read lately and the kinds of "answers" I've gotten from some folks lately has reminded Me of something else I like and believe in:? when asked a direct question, give a direct answer.? I don't want 30 minutes of caveats and explanations and, yes in some cases, evasions wrapped around the answer to the question I asked.? I know we can all be guilty on occasion but some make an art form out of not answering the question posed...and it pisses Me off if it goes on long enough.? Please bear this in mind...I am a fairly patient person and will listen to what you have to say in answer to something I have asked BUT please answer the damn question first!!!!! (note the 5) |
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Posts I have read lately and the kinds of "answers" I've gotten from some folks lately has reminded Me of something else I like and believe in: when asked a direct question, give a direct answer. I don't want 30 minutes of caveats and explanations and, yes in some cases, evasions wrapped around the answer to the question I asked. I know we call all be guilty on occasion but some make an art form out of not answering the question posed...and it pisses Me off if it goes on long enough. Please bear this in mind...I am a fairly patient person and will listen to what you have to say in answer to something I have asked BUT please answer the damn question first!!!!! (note the 5) |
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"There is freedom to be found on both ends of the leash if you are happy at the end you've chosen". Me. I like leashes. I like what they facilitate in terms of control of the submissive...a good yank or a gentle tug, either has their place in this control of the dominant over his submissive. I like what they can symbolize to that dominant and that submissive about control and/or ownership and the acceptance/lack of acceptance of that control and/or ownership. |
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"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible."
Stuart Chase |
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A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the perogative of the brave. {M. Gandhi} This quote says a lot to me. When you run away from love, especially love that is uplifting and supportive and non-judgmental, then no matter what you tell yourself...that it is for the other person's own good, that your life is too hectic for a relationship right now, that "you/they didn't reallllllllllllly love you anyway"...you are a coward. |
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Tis funny...people say they want honesty, they want your honest opinion, they don't want you to lie to them, etc., etc.. There are some dominants and submissives who tend to be especially "hard-line" about this...read through a few profiles... and yet, when you give them your honest opinion and what you say does not "hit them right", even when others' opinions coincide with yours, then they either don't like it and let you know that OR they tell you that you are the one being contrary and/or demanding and/or unable to see that their situation is "different".
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| Age: 27 |
| Kansas City,
New York |
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