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Ok, may sound stupid but my last post I spelled checked but didn't change the colors back so all my corrected words in the last post are a different color...I am such an idiot.
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Oh my god I am so tired! I had a long night at work doing nothing! I got my score for the week and it was perfect! I kick complete ass and will be getting a bonus this paycheck! Hell to the yea! Will be a whole whopping 20 bucks once the government hacks away at it. But that will at least buy me...a movie? An oil change? A new pair of shoes? A really damn big milkshake? Who knows!
I am in love with the Allen and Craig show on YouTube, it's part of the Evil Iguana Productions. Hilarious!
I think I am going to re arrange my room tomorrow, my living room is fine but my bedroom is badly arranged and I have nothing else to do. I think I will make a video tomorrow too...gotta stay on top of the boredom! It's freaking hot in here but I don't want to turn on my air conditioning. It's really expensive and I'm poor...I could probably get out from under this comforter but then my security blanket would be on the floor...ha ha!
So I need human interaction someone IN TEXAS hit me up and let's go chill!
Other than that, the sun it up aka my cue to go to sleep! Night/Morning y'all! |
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Awe I ran out of movies to watch... Sigh.
Anyone want to take my trash out for me? It's stinky and my neighbors are outside my door being drunk a'holes. |
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I made fettucini Alfredo tonight for dinner, it definitely did not turn out like it should. So now I am watching the shawshank redemption and thinking about just making a frozen pizza. |
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I am tired of being alone and in control. |
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So apparently I have a few followers on ths little journal! So I figured I should keep it up, this is the most committed I have EVER been to a journal before! Just FYI, my computer keyboard is broke and for some reason doesn't always register every letter I type, it's different letters so not one that is broke. So if I don't catch it sorry, I know my spelling normally sucks but it's not me getting 'stupider'. I have recently been trying to lose weight, as you can read per my blogs. I have been successful so far! I am down 15lbs. I don't feel any different, but I think that is due to my current mood not a normal outlook at my body. I am happy with my progress and hope to keep making more and more. I got a gym membership, but I think I m going to cancel it. I work crazy weird hours, and the times I am able to go there never open. I know I should have gone with a 24/7 gym but that didn't click in my mind as I filled out the paperwork. Plus this month is crazy scary financially for me and made me realize that 30/month to rarely work out is not smart. I will just do what I can in my home then go to the center when the apartments I live in reopen them.
I am in a really funky mood at the moment. I don't know if it is hormones or just loneliness but I feel unsocial, and an odd form of abandonment even though no one has abandoned me. Probably doesn't help that when I get in these moods I start listening to depressing music...See this is why I need a Dom, to knock since into me when I do stupid crap like this! |
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I want whatever sex my neighbors are having...cause damn! |
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BTW Thoes random empty journal entries are voice entries, so view my journal and you can listen! And hopefully not my annoying freezer. |
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Is it odd that I thought that the biggest goof ball in american idol history normand was the best of the night? Haha |
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Day 1 of no more fast food-
I decided that with all the new changes I would make a change to my diet. I have already lost 5 lbs but of course want that to progress.
With my new apartment I went grocery shopping and decided to say bye bye to my fast food day's. The old reason to eat it was because it was all I could get, groceries at my old house vanished faster than little boy's at a catholic priest fair. So it is Day 1 of my no fast food diet! I am actually eating ceral...who would have thunk it? |
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I have no internet unless my neighbor turns his on so I can steal it. So I am offline for a while! Be back soon though!!!!! |
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The wind came, the hail fell and I didn't blow away which is always the goal. Ya'll stay safe and dry! |
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It is pretty pitiful at the moment but maybe someone should inspire me to make it nifftier?
Anyway, here is my myspace!
myspace.com/charmedanne |
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I have this really ugly table that dosent match anything else so I decided to stain it. I went to home depot, and walked arround forever going ooo I could use this for breast bondage, and ooo look at the pretty chains but that's not the point haha. I got the sand paper, primer, stain, sponges, tarp, and finisher and all the junk I needed. Came home and stained a table! It was soooo pretty! But was taking forever to dry, so my g-ma said she thought it may rain that evening but I still didnt want to bring it in the house not dry. I set it on the porch and placed the lid in the stain and laid it on the dry part of the table. In the night apparently a strong gust of wind hit and now I have mahogany stained concrete porch.
Crap.
So I scrubbed, and hosed, and used paint thinner and cat litter. It looks like a pile of dark blood with a welcome mat over it now. I am such an idiot lol. |
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Ok so tonight I stood for 20 mins on this balance thingy at work, I did 20 mins of the dvd work out thingy on a higher levle, and I walked/jogged for 12 minutes which was longer than I thought I could make it! I am on my way! |
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So I did this dvd work out tonight and want to start doing it EVERY night. I can definatly feel the burn.
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OWwwwwww!!!!!!!!!! |
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Is it rude of me to let people know I have just reported their email/profile? I thought it would be a nice alert but apparently not! |
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I am looking to play a game kind of like an mmorpg or whatever, all the letters looks like greek to me. I would LOVE it to be BDSM based or something where I could play a slave...or servant..or something. I hate secondlife and tried sociotron and was confused. Anyone know of any others? I miss the sims online. |
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I love how some cannot take the word "no". No I am not interested, No I will not give you my cell number, and no I will not give you my yahoo ID. Shrugs, anyone who can't understand my reasonings dosen't deserve my trust. |
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I'm so bored...someone talk to me. |
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I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe.
Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe.
I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then
I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe.
I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might
Maybe, love maybe |
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I should probably mention that I am running a group (very small at the moment) for lifestylers 29 and under. We would have a public munch once a month where new members can be introduced in a safe way for all so that when members throw a private party we can invite thoes in the group whom we feel most comfortable with! I love throwing parties, but refuse to have random strangers in my home haha. If your interested let me know! |
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I am in love with an apartment. Its smaller than the one I was going to get, but mucho cheaper and soooo much nicer! Hardwood floor, granite countertops, beautiful! Gated, covered parking, and right down the street from my job. If all looks good I could move in 2 weeks! And it's cheap enough for me to afford by myself! Eeep! |
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So I was talking to a new sub today and she was trying to explain to me that a real sub/slave has no limits. So I decided to call her out on it.
If your dominant told you to go stand naked in the middle of the highway and run smack dab into the first car that can hit you the hardest so you can die would you do it?
Sound crazy?
Well death is a limit! |
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So expounding on my money problems from this afternoon I had to go to the store and get some cash for my g-ma. I went and needed to get some ones and decided to put a 10 into this lotto machine, get a 1 dollar ticket and get 9 ones back. I put my (only) 10 dollars in and then saw the sign. NO CASH BACK
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shit!
So I am not really ticked! I just lost my only gas money. So I just hit a 10 dollar one and got my ticket and the money my g-ma needed. I scratched it then handed it over claiming that I can never tell if I won or not. And......
I WON 100 DOLLARS!
OMFG!
WOOT! Proof that dumb ass mistakes sometimes pay off! |
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So I am broke as all poo. I have 10 dollars in my purse and that will get me enough gas to get to work and back till friday when I get paid. This last paycheck I paid my mom the 218 I owe on the car, 60 for insurance, 40 for the school loan, and then another 60 on a different day for the loan. So my mom was not hurting for money...
Maybe I should back up some...
My mom (for some reason that is beyond me) forked out 500 dollars at one time to pay off what I owe the school that wasnt covered by financial aid. I think she did it so she can hold it over me that I owe her the money. Extremely vindictive, but very much my mother. So I told her I would give her like 40-50 a paycheck till it was paid off. Well I ended up giving her 100 this paycheck as well as buying my own darn birthday cake, which made me feel pretty darn pathetic. So today she goes apeshit on me screaming that I need to borrow some money from my friends to pay her back because it's not fair that she is out of money and can't get to work. I am 21, my friends are all the same age. What 21 year old just has 400 laying arround? Ugh... I offered mom the 10 bucks I had which of course wasnt good enough. I apologised that I did'nt have it right then but between buying 100 dollars worth of groceries for the whole family and paying bills which were mostly to her I am broke.
So here I am now, super pissed. I am having like an indoor garage sale now apparently. I have to make some quick cash as I cannot go asking my broke friends for money, and I cannot do porn.
So what am I selling? I don't have a whole lot so it's minimal. I have a bike, it's green and in decent shape. I have a portable dvd player that I never use so it's like brand new. I have a buttload of books and shoes. And ofcourse wicked awsome organizational skills! OCD come's in handy sometimes! So if anyone is interested in anything, (anything besides sex for money cause eww.) hit me up! (Not literally please). I need some dough! |
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So I am in a massive pessimistic mood. I think it's because of the weather. Icy...in texas. WTF? I left work tonight and had to beg someone to let me use their ice scraper, she let me and told me to hold on to it till tomorrow, THANK GOD because I had to pull over every two mins to re-scrape my car cause I could'nt see! Then it was fogging up and at one point I turned a corner and was literally all the way on the sidewalk! I pulled into the drive way where my mother preceded to yell at me for the next 10 mins for not responding to her text messages to tell her I was alright. I know she ment well, but before I left I texted her and let her know I would pull over and call if the car started sliding, (which it did not) or if I felt I could not drive safely. (Which I probably couldnt since that whole sidewalk thing, but w/e). So I let her know it just took me a while since I had to stop every few minutes and rescrape my car, and I was driving abnormally slow. She then replied that I was a moron and was supposed to scrape the ice off before I drove not during...... Are you fucking serious? Does she really think I am that dumb? No shit you scrape it off before!!!!! *rolls eyes* So I explained back (rather calmly) that yes I knew that but it was raining and still making it hard to see. She did not quite like that answer so then I just asked, "fine did you want me to really be texting you though while I am driving???" and finally she shut up!
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I HATE ICE |
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So first time drinking last night and I am super proud to say I didn'y get drunk! Haha, it was awsome fun and can't wait to do it again!
I also cut 4 inches of my hair off, so that pic isnt entirely updated, but I think it is super cute!
So officially 21 and hit it good at the casino (won 100 dollars) and a party! |
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Haha I read something that is soooo true today! It's understanding women from a mans prespective - I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
Well when you put it that way.... |
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I love how some guy's feel the need to tell me that they don't think I should be on a diet and how they love a good fat ass at their feet....
- Yea cause that turns me on just thinking about it.... *rolls eyes* |
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So my dental appointment went wellm have mucho amount of stuff to do but I am excited about getting it all on the ball. I did promise my dentist though that I would cut back on the soda. I am addicted to coke though! Well really any caffinated drink I think I am just apeshit for any cardonated drinks. I have done well though! I drank lemonade this afternoon and water this evening. So wish me luck! I think I can do this...plus getting rid of all the sodas should help with the diet! |
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Ok, so a bit more about me - (Cause apparently I cant talk about me enough in this blog :) )
I have never been married, never even came close o being married. I have never been pregnant, and have never had a pregnancy scare. And in my world that is a HUGE accomplishment. Maybe I am biased though from my OB/gyn office experience.
I don't drink, not quite 21 yet, but will be in 2 weeks! So it would be quite against the law to drink. And no I am not being sarcastic, I really don't!
I never smoke, it seems like a silly habit to me, and quite a waste of money. If you smoke, that is fine, but I prefer if you didn't arround me. You know second hand smoke can kill too!
I have never done drugs. I wouldnt even know where to get drugs. I would probably have to google to see what the correct names for drugs are! I almost ate a special brownie in high school but my friend stopped me. I thought I was buying an actual brownie...IE I am fairly naive on these things. Drugs is something though that I cannot tolerate around me. I understand somepeople like to do it on the side for fun and are not addicted to it. And I really do believe thoes people who say that they can get high and still be completely in control of their bodies, cause they are just that amazing....
BUT... I swore to myself very young that I would never let drugs affect my life. In that statement that included surrounding myself with non druggies as well. I like to give my friends the benifit of the doubt and think they have never tried anything, but I am not a moron. But they have never and will never mention it to me.
I am freaky organized. Part of the OCD, but the good thing is that I will never ask for help in the organization frenzy, I will always just do it myself!
What else...let's see....
It may not matter to some, but I am a christian and have absolutely no plans on changing that. I however never badger it onto someone else. I am a firm believer that by me trying to be the best christian I can be God will shine through me and touch the souls that need to be touched. Me going arround condeming everyone to hell that wont listen to me will do no good at all.
I am a little opinionated on political topics..but only a few! Gay marriage, Stem cell research, abortion, the things that are super personal to me! I know that it could irk some Doms with an (overly) opinionated submissive, but it could be something for me to work on...could be.
Random change of topic - I have my first dental consultation in 11 years tomorrow. I am freaking nervous! I have brushed my teeth at least 4 times tonight, which I know is stupid to do but I am a wreck! So wish me luck! |
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I have come to realize that there are just somethings about me that I can just not help... I cannot change them on my own, and without a Dominant that wants to change them I have no desire to. These things make up a part of me and are what makes me quarky! I have thought about what they are and they range from rather odd to a large degree of obsessions.
I cannot help that the moment I get out of the shower I like to crawl under my covers. I know its apparently a bad thing to do, but habit and an inviting bed make it too hard!
I cannot help that I always have a secret hoard of chocolate somewhere waiting for me when I have a crappy day.
I cannot help that I am a submissive with an independent spirit. I know it may come close to an oxymoron but I really want to have a life of my own before I completely hand 100% of it over to a Master.
I cannot help that I dream on one day getting married and having that pretty little house whith a white picket fence. I am female, and I grew up in a house run by females, these ideas were pratically brain washed into me!
I cannot help that I am mildly OCD. I saw twilight and was instantly hooked. Nothing I can do about it but obsess. There is no telling what it will be or how much I will obsess over something, it will just happen! And no I refuse to take medicine over something that while is mildly annoying, does not hamper my day to day activities!
I cannot help that I am not a feminist. Sorry ladies, I dont even believe in equality. But my opinions on that are a bit perplex so I will save it for later.
I cannot help that my spelling comes straight from the typoneese dictionary. I dont have spell check, and don't have the patience needed to spell check myself. Plus if I spelled it wrong the first time, chances are I wont know how to spell it the second time I read it.
I cannot help that I do not want a dominant over 30. I know some guys seem young, and with age comes experience, but I want someone in my own age bracket so I can relate to them!
I cannot help these things! The list goes on and on and on and on, but unfortunatly I cannot help that I have work tomorrow so I need sleep! |
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Sigh, another New Years. Didn't we just have one? It feels like a month ago not a year! For the past few years about this time I am usually crying myself to sleep wishing I could just forget that 2006 or 2007 ever happened. But this year is different, all in all 2008 did'nt suck too badly. I had a few icky relationships, but that is pretty common now days.
I finally went back to school, and am about finished with my externship. I am on the verge of moving, and became entirely debit free. Well except school loans, but thoes dont start getting paid for a long time.
2008 made me more stable mentally, physcially, emotionally, and financially. I finally came face to face with the fact that my fantasy submission can never happen in rl without me screwing myself over. So I re-evaluated and am working out the kinks now. Literally!
So newyears resolutions? I hate these....
Like everyone else #1 is to lose weight. I am almost tired of hearing the word Diet, but cest la vie! I need to as this year I went the wrong way on the diet scale and went up! Egads!!!!!
#2 Get my own car. I kind of more or less pay rent on the car I drive now. I am free to use it as I wish, but it isnt mine, even though I pay for the darn thing!
#3 Get my own apartment! I am finally stable enough to get my own apartment with no roomates or pesky family members living with me. This should be happening on Feb 1st at least.
#4 Lighten up! I have NEVER drank before because I wanted to save it for being 21. My friends are convinced this is why I have a stick up my ass sometimes. So I am looking forward to all thoes schinanigans. (Jan 22 by the way so everone wish me happy b-day!)
#5 Like almost eveyone else on this site- Find the right partner. I know I am young so I shouldnt be pushing so hard to find Mr. Right, but darn it hollywood made me spoiled on the topic of love and I am ready to fall in it!
and the rest are locked away. I could type them all out, but hey a girl needs to keep somethings to herself right? |
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I can't believe it, it has been exactly a month since I got my last e-mail here on cm! Once you take down a picture and let your profile age a bit on here you stop being the shiny new toy I guess! Probably a good thing though. So Girls, just wait, the e-mails will die down from a page full an hour to a page full a month! |
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