Hunting... hunting..

Nothing special happens today, spent it mainly alone. Not surprised. Hope everyone else had a nice day though.

So I'm 29 today. Nothing good or bad has happened yet. Hoping things pick up. Hope everyone's having a nice day though, either way.

It's pretty sad when you can't even get a hello out of people these days, let alone an actual reply to a thoughtfully written message.

Tsk tsk.

Adjusted some things on the profile, altered a few things as well for completion and correction as well as hopefully showing myself as a better interest for folks with similar desires and such.

Six days till my birthday, uncertain how to spend it other than in home bored out of my bloody mind alone. :(

Curiosity of worthwhile folks for conversation and potential playmates/dominants is growing again. I wonder who will match me well enough..

At this rate I should start a tally mark count of how many female dominants are more bark than bite on this site. Then again, I believe the count would make me lose even more faith in how CollarMe has turned into more of an E-peen measurement site (self measurement, mind you) or how it has turned into a site more populated by frauds and those using the lifestyle as a scapegoat/cover for their bullshit.

I marked off another yesterday that refused to believe a Switch could be Submissive without being Dominant. Uhm, hello. Switches are capable of that easily. Just like people can be submissive in a scene but be a very dominant figure in day to day life. Made me laugh.

Still have yet to find a female dominant worth their salt, or one that is actually friendly and willing to hold a conversation that doesn't immediately benefit them monetarily or by sudden orders of service to 'prove' the submissive.

One thing that will make me laugh every time is how people can be so shallow. I remember one 'dominant' demanded I buy a music CD then listen to it, because it was her favorite music. Well that's all fine and dandy, but why buy the CD? I went online and listened to the songs through various means while saving myself the hit to my wallet. Personally, I think that was resourceful of me to do and displayed not only an interest to at least see if the music was my style, but I did not needlessly waste money. Upon finding out it wasn't my style (but close to one I liked), I was honest and said this while pointing out a similar genre, curious if the 'dominant' in question liked it. Of course, the 'dominant' only thought of their own ends and ruled that I wasn't worth it because I didn't buy something that didn't benefit either of us really, nor did I not like the music as much as she did (I was kinda okay with it).

So, yeah. Still looking for a real dominant female that's worth talking to, enjoyable, and not out to use the lifestyle for personal gain.

If something in this journal seems out of place or offensive, PM me. Maybe I didn't explain it right because of my headache. ^^;

It's rough to find a dominant that's worth their salt on this site. After a few years on this site, it's easy to see that. I've looked in every state I've been in and I did once find a wonderful dominant to be with, though that's now in the past and I am looking for a new one. The sad fact of things is.. there's only so many dominants in the ratio against subs. Now change that equation to female dominants to male subs. Further whittle that down to honest, sane, safe and enjoyable female dominants to male subs. That number gets pretty high, so chances (and pickings) are pretty slim for an honest, desiring male submissive to find a female dominant that fits him and vice versa. I'm willing to say the chances I find one that will fit me are ... what, 50:1? Maybe more?

I am a realist and an optimist, typically, so my instincts tell me that if I keep looking I should find someone that I can fit with, but I will be dealing with a lot of posers and frauds, and a few more folks that would sooner damage me than be any good to me or my health.

I have faith though. Also, I have been debating finding a male dominant, but that's a subject that worries me every time I think about it. I've been hurt by women a lot, but in the end I could put my foot down and walk away if I had to. With another male though? That's testosterone I would be dealing with, not estrogen. Different ballpark. I am keeping my options open though.

I did find a dominant female that I found interesting, but she seems to have poofed off the site, and two more that were more preaching and bark and very little practice or bite.

I'd love to find folks with more bite than bark, and be interesting too. I'd also love to make some friends. The value of a good friend is seriously under-rated.

Well that small rant (if it is one) is out of my system. Hope everyone's having a nice morning though. ^_^

I am curious why it's so hard to find someone local that isn't going to try and put me on a wild goose chase or make me give up being myself to be something they want and fuck me if I don't. Where's the dominants that can challenge me as I am? Where's the folks that will hold a conversation longer than two replies that actually post more than two sentences? CollarMe, stop sending the weird people to my inbox already. >_< I want the fun people now, kay-thanks.

I have moved successfully across most of the country and am currently getting settled in. Much different feel to the area (like being higher from sea level) but I think I will come to like it. The housemates are certainly much nicer than the last ones.

Hoping to meet lots of people in the area.

To my understanding, when viewing others on sites for getting into relationships (yes, D/s and M/s is a relationship), first impressions are just as important on a profile and its photos as it is walking up to someone on the street, at a venue or an event.

That said, here's my curiosity of the day and any of you folks are welcome to give me your opinions, minus any flaming.

What appeal does a dominant offer by posting a picture of them giving the finger (IE - Fuck you)? I see none.

Well now I'm just finding the rude people today, it seems. From a curious and friendly message inquiring about someone's interests, I got verbally attacked. Despite that, I gave them a reply expressing my disappointment but didn't sink to their level, and even wished her a good evening. I will, however, call them out on this (exoticdomgoddess/domcouple4play) and warn other potential inquirers that you may not want to be too hopeful on what she says back to you if you message her. Otherwise, happy hunting folks. :)

Okay so I flipped the orientation from Switch to Submissive. It's not like it's bullshit or some such. I am actually here as more of a submissive right now any way. Perhaps now people will be more inclined to talk to me. That and the fact that most people (it seems) filter out Switch folks. :(

The amount of replies I get to the amount of messages I send (and I see are read) is disappointingly low. I don't remember it being -this- hard to start a conversation on CM... and that's saying a lot. xD

I wonder if people would reply differently, or more often, if I changed my status from Switch to Sub for a while. ~ponders~

So my birthday didn't go the way I quite wanted it to. The thing I really wanted didn't come to pass, but I still have hopes it does. It would still be one of the greatest gifts I could ever get.

Other than that.. I got lasagna. Pasta is something I really like to eat and lasagna is tied with fettuccine alfredo with chicken or shrimp. It was good too. I will enjoy having leftovers for the next week.

The year didn't start out so great.. but maybe my 28th year will get better. Crossing my fingers here for that one wish.

Hm. So I'm technically 28 now. Yup.. Birthday wolf here. So far it's been an empty house and quiet time. I know what I want for my birthday but the chances of getting it are slim. Hm. I wonder how the rest of the day will unfold.

Breasts... feet... crotch... cock, neck, leg high heel on someone's head, sitting on someone's head... anime picture, anime picture... roger rabbit... chastity device, necklace, ass.. breasts... breasts.. feet.. feet, feet feet feet...

AHA! Someone's face. Finally. >_>

Never could wrap my head around how to talk to someone's chastity device. Don't think I ever want to either.

So today I inquired about someone that is younger than I am and a self-proclaimed pro-dom. Apparently my words were too rash and she chewed me out. Honestly? I find it amusing. I was a little pointed about certain things such as asking what classes she's taken, conventions gone to, any certification, references... what do I get? She laughs at me like those don't matter. "I've worked in a commercial dungeon, I have references". I couldn't even get the chance to ask what that meant to her before she got all pissed off. I mentioned she seemed young to be a pro-dom. I don't like when people insinuate I'm insulting them with a simple observation. Actually most of her replies were insinuations that I was insulting her. ~rolls eyes~

Well. I certainly find it more amusing than insulting, really. If she wants to get all defensive, that's her prerogative. I was just curious how someone becomes a pro-dom at the age of 24.

Disappointing. I was honestly curious. I guess I got the answer though. Some people just want to be self-important and don't want to have a constructive conversation before the insults fly when their pride and foundation are at stake with simply curiosities..

From now on I am hitting the 'Hide User' button on dominants whose profiles state something along the lines of "To talk to me or to interact with me, go buy me something and I might think about it". Materialists don't really attract me (They put me off actually) and I prefer friends, playmates, dominants, submissive or what-have-you that don't have a bill of purchase hanging over their head like something found at a mall. I understand being a business person, but there's a difference between offering service for payment and trying to jack people out of their paycheck just to think they'll have a chance in Hell to even talk to them. For all we know, those people are just players using the lifestyle as a credit card. They give a bad name to the lifestyle.

Interested people are still welcome to message me, but if the non-pro poser money grubbers message me, they'll get blocked without a second thought.

Tired Wolf is tired. Sleep time now. Good night every one.

Is it really so bad to type out your feelings... even if they're of sadness and pain, and post them for every one to see? Does it make you some sort of public eyesore in a community when you cry your eyes out into text to express what you're feeling so that maybe someone can read it and understand? Does a person flag themselves as bad when they say how it feels that the world is crashing down around them?

"It's negative, you don't want people reading that about you, it'll put them off."

Not every one that spills their pains out on a journal or what-have-you is a drama queen or a nut case or some lame-ass only doing it out of a need for attention. Some people are really hurting and have no other outlet they can see other than posting their problems up for others to read. It's an outlet. It's a hand reaching out to others for understanding, guidance or help. It is their way of trying to fix it.

I am being emotionally crushed right now. I have no outlet or distraction from what's going on. I am in pain. I am reaching my hand out in hopes that I find something to ease the pain, distract me from it or maybe even help me heal.

And if someone reads that and says to themselves "What a loser, just another sob story", then fuck you. Your lack of compassion will only bite you in the ass one day when you're hurting and you reach out sincerely looking for someone to help ease the emotional pain you're feeling. You've surrounded yourself with people just like you've shown to others, a compassion-less group that looks at you and shakes their head like you're some mental patient that will never recover... or maybe you do get your hand grabbed, but they want something in return. How would you feel if that happened? Pretty horrible I bet.

No one is perfect, that's what makes us unique. We have flaws, things happen, we try to survive and strive to live.

Tired of people telling me not to express myself unless it's something good.

The scent remains... it lingers in the faintest threads of the senses, it teases the mind and flusters the body. It's always there, especially when you're alone, always there to remind you of what was there, who it drifted from. The scent always remains, the impression never just the first or last one made.. but the strongest memory we kept of that person either good or bad. To those with the nose for the scent that remains, we remember who was what, how they were and what they were. The scent remains to remind us of lessons and pains, and where to step or to try not stepping... though it can have a power to sway us with the nose to smell the scent that remains.. for good or ill.

The scent remains.. and each of us with the nose that can smell the scent that remains knows what the scent is, yet it can elude us why it remains. Something learned, something to learn, something yearned, something burned, or turned... It remains, that scent, always to those with the nose to smell it by choice or design.

Amusement.

So I've only recently come back to be active here and already I got a flame for being a switch. "Pick a side of the fence like the rest of us". What? I did pick a side. Who says everything in life has to be 4-sided? I would educate you on the third dimension up here but you seem to be quite 2D in your thinking and refuse to look up. Hey, if you can live your life that way and cause no harm to others, go for it. I don't mind being offered  your logic, but I do mind you trying to beat me with yours.

More Amusement.

This same person whom I'm politely not naming out-loud (Yea, some of us have manners, mister so-called dom) says that regardless of what I think, I should refer to him as Master (Insert name here). What? When did you get the collar around my neck? When did I agree to being in a relationship with you tuned to the dynamic? You're not my Master. At best, BEST, you're a Sir. The title Master and Mistress is reserved for those that actually receive/earn my gift of submission.

You come at me saying "Refer to me like a proper submissive should. You will call me Master (blah)." I'm not sure what world you're living in, but the one that I share with like six billion other confused human beings you're Sir till otherwise notified. KayThanks, don't forget your coat on the way out.

You want to be a proper dominant? Try respecting what other people think even if you don't agree with it instead of bashing them for it. Karma will be kind to you in the end if you do. ;)

That rant out of the way, I respect what people do with their dynamic (and just about every thing else) as long as it's not forced on me. I'll enjoy my seat on the fence tipping my hat and saying Sir and Ma'am as a polite wolf would. :)

I find the demand for switch males to be lacking. It makes me curious, really.

I suppose what I am looking for more specifically is a dominant/mentor that treats me as more than just a submissive and a little more than a pet. Being a switch I tend to sit on the fence a lot. The dominant(s) I play with or kneel to need to understand that I want treated as both a pet and a partner. I like dominants with a feral side. Growling, purring, nibbling, biting, and nuzzling (along with other similar behaviors) certainly take a special spot with me but I won't ignore a dominant that seems promising that doesn't do that. A dominant that would be sexually active with me is more of a necessity than a hope. I'm far too touchy feely to not be close to someone physically. I need someone that can be there emotionally for me. I would rather have someone a bit older with more experience, someone stable. I know I'm not stable and I am working on that, and that's something else that needs to be understood. I would like to try 24/7 (live-in) if possible as well.

This isn't to say I won't look at dominants that don't fit all that criteria. Finding someone to fit me though isn't easy..

I deleted all previous journals so that things are cleared up, no awkward misunderstandings about me occur and so that I can properly seek what I want/need.